Ok… So, what’s happened to me recently? I suppose first to mention is the production of “Treasure Island”. It’s such an amazing groupd of people to work with, everyone is so nice, you can have a laugh and a joke with them all and I’m starting to feel like I’m fitting in at the langton. Compared with how I was the first time I walked into that drama room, it’s been a drastic change.
The guys, whilst being straight, are not homophobic the way the abbey was. All I get is the odd joke once a day, that’ll be it. Other than that, I’m accepted for who I am, which is so amazing I can barely describe. They are all wonderful guys, such great personalities and wonderfully talented. Oh, and did I mention GORGEOUS!
Single life isn’t much really, no drastic change to my actions, but I’m taking the time to look at what I want in a relationship and in a partner. While it sounds kind of odd, I want a guy I can have fun with, make jokes at, spend time with friends, hang out, argue with. I need someone like the guys in my classes. They are all just so amazing. I know it’s repetitive, but seriously, I cannot fault the sixth formers in the production in any way, none at all.
So, some of you may have realised I have a thing for the guys in my theatre class… If you’d seen them, you would too 
Thanks for reading 
Everything has its own end and we all realize when things are for the best. This is what happened over my weekend. Alex and I had been talking until 2 in the morning about everything. About the future, the past and more importantly, the present. And we decided, well I decided and he agreed, that our relationship had run it’s course.
Like I said, everything ends. Sometimes we break down, but sometimes we move on. I’m moving on, ready to enjoy this little stint of being single. My reasoning: I’m single, I’m young and by God am I going to make sure I enjoy it. Thank you for reading
It’s been a while since I last posted, a phrase growing more common as the year goes on. Recently quite a lot has occurred to me, revelations of a life-changing nature. Mainly things like lifestyle, personality etc. they used to define my life. Now I realise, though it’s more like remember, that’s there’s more to life than that.
I spent quite a lot of my years at the abbey doing things that most teenagers do. I gossiped, I bitched and I didn’t care. What I didn’t realise then is just how much my bitching and gossiping affected other people’s lives. Looking back over the past three years I owe so many people so much. I can never repair the damage I’ve done, to people’s friendships and more importantly to people’s self-appreciation.
It was upon making this realisation that I began to look around me at the people know. And I see myself everywhere. I see bitching, I see gossip I see emnities that shouldn’t be happening. And it’s strange, it never even occurred to me before, never entered my imagining, just how damaging a gossiped lifestyle can be.
Maybe I’m exaggerating, but am I really? Everyone has been the victim of gossip, everyone has been hurt by it. We know it’s not our place to bitch about other people, so what’s the point. Looking back at myself over the past few years, I can’t even remember who I bitched about, or what I said. All I remember is that it happened. What does that show? Is it really worth ruining people just for a few seconds of gossip?
I’m going to take this opportunity, to all the people reading this, and to those who aren’t, to apologise. I am truly sorry for being such a bastard to you all, spreading gossip and bitching, truly sorry.
Updated list of things I hate: hypocrits, bitching behind people’s backs, gossiping about others. And thank you all very much for reading
It’s been a while since I last posted, and I think it might be an idea to review my last post. I did the one thing I can always count on myself to do. I had a major revelation saying how I was going to change my ways and be the person I want to be. Within two days however, everything was back to how it was. Is that what I want to do my whole life, never strive to actually achieve my goals? NO! So why am I doing it now?
I need to get a good push into doing what I set out to do. Weight loss, organisation, creative things. Everything needs something to force me into doing it. I never finish what I set out to do, but not anymore. For all the people reading this, please do what you can to help me with this, force me where needs be and remind me why I want to change myself. A better life, a better me and a wonderfully bright future.
On a lighter note, I got a call back for the Sweeney Todd auditions on wednesday, which is surprising since I messed up on “My Friends”, who knew I could get so nervous. By the time I sat down I was shaking and my skin was tingling all along my left arm. It’s a crazy world. Call backs are this wednesday and I really desperately need to improve on my acting and appear more “evil”. Miss (or Mrs.) Braddy has been wonderful and is a bubbly person, which compared to the Abbey school teachers, is a lovely surprise
Thanks for reading
Hey, just a short post really, it’s kind of late and I don’t want to stay up too long. But I want to get a few things put into words that have been buzzing around in my head.
Firstly, I’m fed up with me. Myself. The way I act and the way I speak. Why should I conform to the socially imposed stereotype of “the gay guy”? I want to be myself. An average guy who just happens to be homosexual. I don’t see why I should let my sexuality rule my personality. This isn’t something other people have forced on me, by the way, this stereotype is one I forced myself to become. But no more. From this moment on, I am me.
No more “babes” and “darling”. No more fashion and clothing talk. No more pretending to be something I’m not. No more trying to be the perfect human being. No more attempting to make everyone like me. No more acting stuck up and self confident when really I’m cracking up on the inside. From now on I’m showing the world my true colours. I’m being ME. Exactly the way I want to be. I’m a man, so I’m going to BE a man.
Second, I’m fed up of my own excuses. There’s no reason for it. If I don’t like something, only one person can change it. Me. So I’m going to do it. From this moment on, I will set about doing what I want to do, and let nothing stand in my way. Physical appearance, I will change it. Mental blocks, I’ll overcome them. Relationship issues, I’ll deal with them. I’m not letting anything stop me, myself, other people, limitations of society. Nothing. From now on, the only rules I obey are the rules of my dreams.
The only person who matters in my life, no matter how I have behaved in the past, is me. I can’t think about others and do what is best for them if it negatively affects me. There is only one way I can be truly happy and that is to do what is best for me as much as possible. From now on it’s honesty, clarity of thought and level headedness. I may end up hurting people along the way, maybe some people I care about. Maybe some people I hoped I’d never hurt, but that’s the sacrifice I have to be willing to make. After nearly nine long years, I think I may have finally beaten my depression.
Thanks for reading
Holidays are so boring for me. Especially when my lovely boyfriend is out of the country. All I do all day is sit at home trying to find ways of ending my boredom. Yesterday was my one exception to the holiday rule.
I had a blood test yesterday morning, and I hate needles. Not a good mix. Jill, my neighbour, went with me. She kept threatening me that she’d make sure I got the test done. It was a good laugh, until we got into the doctors. Shaking in my seat, sweaty palms, shallow breathing. The works. Got into the doctor’s room, I held my arm out, looked away and hated every second of it. But at least it was over and done with, right?
Me and Jill went for a coffee together after that, I needed a good chat with her. Jill has been my first port of call for someone to chat to, for the past four years. Due to many things over the past few months, I have been unable to talk to her like I used to, so it was good to have a nice chat with her.
After leaving Jill, I went over to my amazing Beth’s house and we watched four episodes of Supernatural (on which I am definitely hooked, if you don’t know it, find it). We planned out what we are going to do in our fanfiction and giggled hysterically as we each offered one-liners to put in it. I also ordered her to sleep over mine on Friday, though we both knew she wouldn’t say no
The only other thing that happened yesterday was a anniversary. A two month anniversary of me and Alex. I missed him yesterday, a hell of a lot. I wish I’d spent our two month anniversary together, but there’s nothing I could do. I love him, I really do.
Those of you who read my blog regularly may recall that I mentioned a link at the top of the page about my novel I am planning. I have decided it is much easier, and perhaps better, if instead of a link and lots of pages, I create a new blog. So I have done.
It has definitely been a while since I last blogged, but in honesty, not much has happened. Alex came over Friday and again Saturday. Both were amazing days, I won’t bore you with the details, but suffice it to say I had an amazing time. Yesterday, Alex set off for sunny Spain leaving me to ponder how to spend my half term. I came upon the conclusion I would write.
There are many things I could probably say right about now, especially considering some recent realisations. First off, I want to make a point here of saying that everybody, and I mean everybody, has the choice to be optimistic. Yes, it is a choice. Don’t give me excuses like “it’s the way I am” or “I’ve tried before and it didn’t work”. I have one thing to say to you: If you want to change, you can do it. If you’ve tried before and not quite made it, try again, try harder, try doing it differently. Anything is possible when you put your mind to it.
I suffered with clinical depression for 8 years of my life, but look at me now. You can’t even see the emotional scars becasue I don’t let them hold me back. I don’t let these things control me. It’s my life and I’m going to live it how I want. YOU can do the same. Make the decision to be who you WANT to be. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that you can’t change anything. It’ll never happen if you just leave it, you have to try in order to succeed.
On the the next topic now that the inspirational section is over. I want to say thank you to a few people who have made me who I am today. First, obviously, is my Mum and my Sister. They have shaped me to be the person I am right now and without them I couldn’t have achieved what I have done today. They mean so much to me I can’t put it into words. I love my family completely, all three of them. Ryan, while he may not have had a direct impact on my life for who he is, the face he is in my life has had a drastic effect. Because of him I have reached a level of maturity and understanding that most people my age cannot even fathom. For that I will be eternally grateful to my family.
I want to say thank you to Jill Fellows, who was there for me (like my family) during my depression. Friend, neighbour, someone to lend an ear when I needed it. She is closer to me than most people, on par with my own family. I do not know how my life would be without her involvement.
Beth Hogben, best friend, co-conspirator and one of a kind girl. She has been my friend for nearly 8 years now and what a great time it has been. We have never fallen out, not even once, in our eight years of friendship. We have always stayed friends, through thick and thin, through the ups and the downs. She is an amazing girl and I owe her a hell of a lot.
Alex Clifford, boyfriend, best friend and so much more. He has the same level of maturity as the people I was to be with in my life. He understands respect for yourselves and for others. He knows what he wants to do with his life and he is prepared to do anything to get there. He is inspirational to me. And the thing I find hardest to believe about him, that someone so far above me in the hierarchy of life, could love me. I respect him, adore him and think the world of him. I am looking forward to a long and healthy relationship with him, and I’ll think of him greatly tomorrow, our two month aniversairy.
Thanks for reading, please comment if you feel like it
Today has been pretty good. We had an amazing production of verbatim theatre by Look Left Look Right (I think it’s that way round) called “Caravan”. And it was all performed, you guessed it, in a caravan. It was really well performed and the intricacy of the acting was astounding to behold. I really do take my hat off to them (figuratively, I don’t do hats) for their performance.
It gave me a lot to think about in terms of my own career plan. Maybe auditioning for drama school straight away isn’t the best plan of action for me just yet. I am now thinking of taking a degree level course in either Drama or Theatre Studies at a university first, then pursuing the drama school option. That seems like a better plan, better prepare myself for drama school and also give myself connections within the drama world. It’s not always what you know, but who you know.
Another wonderful chat with Alex tonight, he has the most luscious voice and has the most wonderfully amazing effect on me. I love him to pieces, he’s amazing. And, I GET TO SEE HIM TOMORROW! 
Life is amazing right now. Irish accent is going good, relationship is going good and I am confident in my ability to get a well grounded acting career. Life is amazing.
It’s been a few days since I last blogged, so I think a little update is in order:
Friday, Alex came over mine after school and Mum made a gorgeous Quorn pasta bake. There was some left over, but I ate that on Saturday. Alex and I spent some time in my room, cuddled up together. Later on that night we went to Youth Club. Before going to the Youth Club, Alex and I found Brogan and Jack at the fair and settled things with them, once and for all. Youth Club was great fun, me, Alex (Smith), Alex, Max and Luke talked for ages in “the chill out” room.
Saturday was pretty boring most of the day, Alex was on his way to and enjoying the thrills of Alton Towers, which is why I couldn’t see him this weekend 
Lewis (Jill’s son) came over that night to play a few board games and have a good night. Which it was, a very good night. I missed Alex immensely though. We did have a talk on the phone for half an hour that day, but knowing he was far away wasn’t fun. How I’ll cope when he’s in Spain, we’ll soon find out.
Sunday, today, has been pretty dry too. I started planning an epic fantasy novel, which I should keep developing as time goes on, there’s no rush and we’ll see where it leads. I might even put information about it in a separate section of this blog, maybe in a link next to “Poetry” at the top. Keep an eye out for it. Alex phoned again and reminded me how much I miss him and his amazing cuddles. I’ll see him again soon enough however. Life is pretty much perfect at the moment, no worries or concerns to think of at all.
Thanks for reading, any comments or questions are welcome
